For the betrothal or engagement in church before marriage
“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” Genesis 2:18
The heart of the betrothal is a free promise. No one may be forced; the Church asks, and each answers freely.
“It is not good that the man should be alone.” Marriage is God's idea before it is ours.
1 Corinthians 13 describes love as a decision, not only a feeling.
Prayer together, the marriage preparation course, a good Confession, honesty about finances and families, and chastity.
Dear brother and sister, today you stand before God and his Church and declare your intention to marry. This is not yet the wedding, but it is a holy beginning. The Church asks you whether you come freely, and you answer for yourselves.
In the very first pages of the Bible God says: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” Your love is not an accident. It belongs to God's plan from the beginning.
The weeks before a wedding are often filled with halls, dresses, food and invitations. Do not let them steal the real preparation. Pray together. Take the marriage preparation course seriously. Speak honestly about your families, your money and your hopes. Make a good Confession before the wedding.
St Paul tells us that love is patient and kind, that it bears all things and hopes all things. Ask God for that love now, and you will carry it into your marriage. Amen.
Tobias did not know the way, but the angel Raphael walked with him (Tobit 5).
On their wedding night Tobias and Sarah first stood up to pray (Tobit 8:4–8).
Tobias asked God to see that he took Sarah with a sincere heart (Tobit 8:7).
Let these months of preparation be a road walked with God.
Dear N. and N., today you promise each other, before God and your families, that you intend to marry. It is a beautiful moment, and also a serious one. Let me tell you about another young couple whose story is in the Bible, Tobias and Sarah.
Tobias was sent on a long journey and did not know the road. A companion offered to guide him; only at the end did he learn that his companion was the angel Raphael, sent by God (Tobit 5; 12:15). You too are starting a journey whose road you do not fully know. You will not see angels, but God walks beside you. Ask Him every day to guide you.
Sarah had suffered great sorrow before she met Tobias. Her life was not simple. When they married, the first thing Tobias did was not to celebrate, but to say to Sarah: let us pray. They stood together and blessed God, and Tobias said that he was taking Sarah not out of lust but with sincerity, and asked that they might grow old together (Tobit 8:4–8).
This is a model for your time of preparation. Let your relationship be built on prayer and on truth. Pray together, even briefly. Speak honestly about your hopes, your fears, money, family, children and faith. Respect each other's body and honour the gift you will give each other in marriage. Chastity before marriage is not a cage; it is a training in self-giving love.
Families, you too have a part. Support them, do not overload them with demands, and pray for them. Dear N. and N., may the God of Tobias and Sarah walk with you until the day of your wedding and every day after it, and may you one day say, as they did, that you have grown old together in His love.
A public promise to marry; not yet the sacrament, but a serious commitment (CCC 1632).
Marriage requires free consent, without fear or pressure (CCC 1625–1628).
Couples should be prepared by catechesis and example (CCC 1632).
Engaged couples are called to live chastity in continence, keeping the gift for marriage (CCC 2350).
Dear N. and N., dear families, in our tradition the betrothal is a solemn moment. It is not yet the sacrament of Matrimony; you are not yet husband and wife. But you are making a serious public promise, and the Church is glad to bless it.
The Church teaches that marriage is born from the free consent of a man and a woman (CCC 1625–1628). Free means without fear, without force and without pressure from anyone. Families have a precious role in helping their children choose well, but the choice belongs to the two persons who will make the vows. Today, in front of all of us, you show that this choice is yours.
The time between betrothal and marriage is a time of preparation. The Catechism says that the example and teaching of parents and families, and the preparation offered by the Church, help young people to understand the dignity of marriage (CCC 1632). Take part seriously in the marriage preparation course. Learn about the sacrament, about communication, about responsible parenthood according to the teaching of the Church, about forgiveness. A wedding lasts a day; a marriage lasts a lifetime.
The Church also asks engaged couples to live chastity in continence, keeping for marriage the gift that belongs to marriage (CCC 2350). This is not a rule against love; it is a school of love. It teaches respect, patience and self-control, which you will need every day of married life.
Finally, prepare spiritually. Make a good confession before the wedding. Pray together. Come to the Holy Mass / Holy Qurbana together. Dear families, pray for them and be generous with your support. And dear N. and N., may this betrothal be the first step of a marriage that is truly Christian, faithful and open to life.
Lord God, you created man and woman for each other. Bless these two who have promised to marry; prepare their hearts by your grace, and lead them in purity and joy to the day of their wedding. Amen.